Spider – Change, it is not just stuff in your pocket…


Change is inevitable, it is good – it makes the world go around. Change brings about change, it causes one to think differently, act differently, feel differently. Who can say that these changes are good or bad – because often as we go through them we don’t know – we are just adapting to the change and dealing with the functional logistics t0 understand is there is a value to the change.

I have always been taught that things happen for the best – that there is a reason for everything that happens to us, and while we may not see the reason and it may not be clear to us why, that there is a reason and it is for the good and we will see that one day.

To say my life has changed in the past 4 months would be an understatement. I have not gone through the “why me’s” – I just assumed that this was a part of what one copes with as one get older and has inherited lousy genes from their family. You take what life throws your way and you deal with it – the best you can. Have I dealt with the change, I have. Have I dealt with it in the best way possible, probably not – there was a really rough 2-3 days that may have changed things forever in my life and with certain other people, but that is past history and nothing can change that.

I have lost 65 lbs through all of this – from 245 to a svelte 180 – not the recommended way of doing this but that has been a real plus to this journey. I have become more independent, not sure if that is good or not because I was a pretty independent son of a bitch before. I have become more self-assured and confident in my decision-making abilities. I also have noticed that I have become more quiet than in the past – more reflective. I have started keeping my smart ass mouth shut when before it would fire off before I would even think about it. Other people are even more important to me now – their feelings and emotions – their needs and desires seem more pressing to me now.

The other change has been the boredom – not being able to work, the financial issues, needing to conserve energy and resources has lead to less activities and more boredom – I can only read so much and I think I have watched every decent DVD that has been produced – and one can only masturbate so many times in an hour…

Those around me are going through change also – emotionally, socially, spiritually, vocationally. As odd as it sounds, the changes that they are going through scares me more than the changes I have gone through – and I guess that is a very selfish attitude for me to take. I know that these people will always be a part of my life – it is just that our rolls and relationships may be altered – and some of those rolls I don’t want to see altered – I want to see them continue to grow and develop – I want to continue to get what I am currently getting from them and yes I am being very selfish. If these people mean that much to me I should be happy for them as they grow and develop and become more of what they want to and need to become – and I am, I really am. I care for these people so deeply that I want only the best for them… but the change is hard – and I know it is hard for them also.

So is all this change positive – in my mind I know it is – it makes us all grow and mature and develop and expand – but in my emotions it is hard – the change is like that change in your pocket – you know it is there and most of the time it doesn’t bother you- but every once in a while you move in such a way that it rattles and lets you know it is there – it is a part of you and eventually you have to take it out of your pocket and deal with it – you either count it and put it away or you spend it and get the enjoyment from it.

And on the topic of change, there is change that is just sad… and this picture shows just how sad change can be for some people… from this…

Note – my timing is perfect as usual. I just read on CNN that Tammy Faye Bakker Messner died Friday after a long bout with cancer. While she was never a favorite of mine, except for a good laugh on the PTL Club, no one deserves to die the death she did. I hope she is somewhere where her mascara will never run…


to this…




~ by Brett on July 21, 2007.

6 Responses to “Spider – Change, it is not just stuff in your pocket…”

  1. That was a marvelously reflective post and causes me to stop and think about the changes I am going through and those that I potentially might face. As the cliche goes: change is the only constant.

    But on a lighter note, Spider, you have given new meaning to the abbreviation “mph”. I will never see it or think of it that same way again. 😉

  2. Knowing what you’ve been through these last few months, I am constantly amazed at what a brave person you are and I marvel at your ceaseless optimisim.

  3. The fact that you can state it so eloquently is a testimony of your ability to be graceful in change. All of us face change: its just that some us handle it more with more grace which is why you remain a model to many.

  4. Makes me realize that I don’t deal with change in the best way. I pout and mope, waiting for the change to change back. It never does, of course, but I guess my down time gives my system a chance to adjust to the change. Still not the best way.

  5. i am glad to see you writing again
    change happens to all of us; I am glad to be part of your world of changes.

  6. You’re so right, change is inevitable. It’s all about one’s attitude, too… One can choose to swim, or one can sink… or I guess just floating about! 🙂 Good health is golden no matter how much we have. Sounds like you have a great attitude with this Spider!!!! yay!

    Wait, so just how many times can you masturbate in an hour???

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